By Andi Goforth

In decades past, people seemed to have etiquette. Most people valued manners and conducted themselves with a certain amount of decency, especially when in the public eye. Sadly, now a days, some people have exchanged humility for haughtiness and pleasantness for pettiness. What’s the best way to deal with rude, unpleasant behavior?
Please continue reading this session of “Ask Andi”.

Dear Andi,

I am appalled at what I recently witnessed. A group of teen aged girl were dancing in a circle with music blasting. I normally would pay this no mind, but it happened on my property. As I walked up closer to figure out what the issue was, I saw my niece in the center of the group …. twerking! I was so angry, that I turned around and walked off! How should I have handled this!

Signed,
Disgusted in Des Moines

Dear Disgusted in Des Moines,

I understand your disgust and your reaction. Sometimes it’s best to put off discussing sensitive topics until both parties are calm and collected. In this way, you will avoid saying something that could potentially alienate her. The greater issue is, do you want to help her to see your viewpoint or do you want to release your emotions? So, I think that you were wise to walk away until such time as you can calmly discuss the issue.

You appear to be a person who cares about decency and reputation. While many of today’s generation don’t think much of dancing in a provocative manner, they must be helped to realize that what they do today can affect them tomorrow. Now a days, with videotaping and social media, the potential audience is vastly larger than it was in years past. Does she want prospective employers or college admissions to form an opinion of her based on that one incident?

Perhaps you should have a discussion with her parents and collectively discuss with her your expectations for public conduct. If she fails to live up to those expectations, privileges should be taken away. But the best thing to do is to reinforce the need for self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth. We are more than our physical bodies and appearances and need to develop the part of ourselves that will bring us to a successful future.

Dear Andi,

I am dealing with an issue and would love to know your thoughts on it. My coworker is downright mean! She doesn’t say “good morning”, ignores the whole crew until she needs something, at which time she becomes very nice, and is constantly creating trouble for others. What should we do?

Signed,
Irritated in Indianapolis

Dear Irritated in Indianapolis,
I understand your dilemma. Most of us spend at least 40 hours a week at our work places, so having a good work environment makes things a lot easier. I would encourage you to take the high road with your coworker. Continue to be cordial and business-like. You don’t have to fraternize with her beyond what is necessary to do the job, but by all means, do your part to create a peaceful work environment.
Now, to your point of creating trouble for others, without the specifics, it’s hard for me to give you my take on it. I will say this, if she is engaging in harassing behavior or is disrupting the work environment to the point that it becomes hostile, speak to your supervisor and give him or her the specifics of the infractions. Some people are just plain miserable and seek to inflict their misery on others.