By Georgie Girl – Santiago

The daughter of rocker Ozzy Osbourne, Kelly, got a concussion and needed stitches after she reportedly did some dirty dancing that launched her head into a speaker. OMG! I didn’t think she was a head banger like her father! Ja-ja. He-he.

Is this story true? Did she really hurt her head by bumping and grinding? Well, I have spoken to several eye witnesses and they say that it is true. I ran into a pudgy little guy that goes by the name MC Pompadour, a DJ, and he said: “Banged right in the head on the speaker. My god, I didn’t know she was a head banger like her father!” OMG! He stole my joke!

I remember when Kelly was a little on the porky side but she has lost weight. Holla! Y’all were insulting her because she had more cushion for the pushin’ but now where are you. She looks FAB – U – LUSS.

This head injury reminds me of an injury I had in 1989, when I invented a game called “Boxingball” and it combined boxing with basketball and most people thought I was an idiot for creating it, but poop on them! Anywho, I took my ten free throws, and one of them bounced back and knocked out two of my eight teeth at the time! Then, I had a severe groin pull right up my crotch and I felt it up my ass. I was rushed to the hospital and declared sexy.

I want to say happy birthday to my dog “cookie,” and wish Kelly all the best in the world. I wanted to send her some Haagen Dazs ice cream to get better, but then my unbelievably amazing supervisor, Joanne, said: “If you send any f**king ice cream out of this place, I will shove a pudding pop up your ass dimwit. Now go scrub the pubic hairs off the urinals, with your gums!” She was on the rag.

Now, you demand my poetry, so here’s a poem about Kelly.

Kelly Belly Fell
By Georgie Girl – Santiago

Oh, Kelly Belly Fell
Kelly Belly Fell
Kelly Belly Fell
Hurt her head as you can tell

Her dad is Ozzy and he’s a rocker
She took a dip and her head she did knocker
But she’s OK and ready to dance again
She’s just like me, likes dancing with men

I created my own games to play and so you could watch
But one day I paid for it when I violently pulled my crotch
They rushed me to the doc to look at my shlong
He smiled and said: “It’s pulled, that’s what’s wrong.”
“You probably pull it a lot you toothless freak!”
I’ll never go to that doctor again.